Dash did 2010

Well. My sister flatmate deleted me off Facebook. Insulted much!? Also found a Christmas card on the bench with my name on it... had no idea I'd received it! That's okay - I'll be gone in three months. I admit living arrangment/conditions have very little to be desired, but it's a roof. The last few months I have grown more than I ( could have imagined. I have also gained a new found direction that is oh so solid. No one can shake this kid.

Had a Diet Coke and two Cadbury "Rose" chocolates for breakfast this morning - so fucking healthy ;-) All the while, thinking about "The Farmer" - thinking "Why is he always on my mind!" It's not a bad thing - just... come on Dashy!! There are so many other things to think of.

Lunch was half a Chicken and a Bread Roll... Wolfed that down in 15 minutes - Guts!

Here it is. The wrap up. The scattered wrap up - who am I kidding!? It wouldn't be a Dashy Blog otherwise!

January - Started with a bang! Scored the lead role in a low budget feature film - to be shot in Cuba! Got the script, signed the contracts, rehearsed my arse off. This was my big break.
February - Kept on rehearsing, thinking "Wow! No more unpaid short films... I'm going to get paid for something I love". I quit my job at the gym.
March - Kicked me in the guts. The film funding falls through & find out the director did a dodgy! Fuck! No day job... Atleast I have the bar work to go back to.
April - Spent that month working at the bar and at a xxx adult store (reception.. ) April I felt pretty sorry for myself. "Oh woe is me"
May - I land a job as a Barrista in a new cafe. Two weeks later, after many empty promises. I resign.
June - I put pen to paper again, and begin writing out thoughts, poems, lyrics
July - Was a very taxing month emotionally. The last six months had built to this. Ending contact with "The Crush". On the plus side, I reunite with two very dear friends. One who now has a gorgeous little girl. The other who was finally moving on and up in her career and life! Was great to see them again.
August - Time to get serious. I register my songwriting label "Son of Lou". And start pumping out some amazing lyrics.
September - Start working at a new gym and start recording.
October - Get taken out to dinner with the amazing new gym crew I work with. Concentrate on music, me and work.
November - Competed in a charity fun run and came First Place. I can't explain that feeling of winning. I hadn't won anything in such a long time. My time to shine has begun again. Aint no stopping Dash! Get taken to the movies with gym crew.
December - Go Ten Pin Bowling with gym crew. Have an incredible time bonding with the team outside of work. Finally purchased a cell phone. I travel interstate. I have my first gig. I meet new wonderful people. I found an old lyric pad from earlier on, and realized why I am here on Earth. Planned and designed my new tattoo. Started my new Vision Board while eating the other half of my chicken.

A little wrap up, of the year that seemed to drag on.


More randomness.

*Hearing the music on an old video game almost made me sick to the stomach. It brought back so many memories. I only ever played it when I was in trouble, or when the parents fought.

Muse~You are all kinds of wonderful.
There's a glow that surrounds you, illuminates you.
You're my new found inspiration.
The very thought of you motivates me.
You put the stars in my eyes.
You make my spirits soar.
All I want to do is sing for you.
Just a Silly Little Love Song.
Guitar across my knee, picking out a melody.
I want to be the one.
Tell me, I'm the one.~
A wave of inspiration poured over, and out of me, onto page, after page of lyrical gold. Flowing like honey.

Maybe it's the No-Doze?
Maybe it's the 8 hours sleep I got?
Maybe it's life?
Whatever it is.... I feel fantastic.. LIFE IS FUCKING AMAZING

Thank you for reading and supporting me throughout 2010 - I hope to do the same for you, one way or another in 2011

Have a SAFE, HAPPY, ABUNDANT New Year - May you get what you truly want :-)

This is Dash xoxo

Dash does Christmas

I found this in my phone. Obviously written before Christmas. While I sit here watching Vin Deisel in XXX and eating Chicken Shapes, I am typing up old notes I have saved either on scrap paper, or in my phone.

-The city is a hive of activity. You can feel the anticipation. The sun, and spirits are high. People are balancing a coffee and countless bags, overflowing with wrapping paper, ribbons and tinsel. I can almost see your heart beating from your chest. Two more sleeps I hear the child squeal with delight and an unwaivering belief of what's to.. who's to come.
Then came Christmas day. I woke up early as usual. Travelled two hours up to my parents place. It was great to see my brothers and sisters again, and of course, the folks. After eating double my weight in seafood, ham, turkey and pavlova - I fell asleep. Another tradition. Later that evening I had to travel the two hours back to the city to work at the bar. What a night that was!

I met a woman, who through the awesomness of the Universe - I have met briefly before.. on two other occassion - AND we work for the same company! Maria is a gorgeous person. Absolutly stunning. I had a drink with her and her friends. She also tried to hook me up with her "hot gay cousin". Me being me automatically hears hot, and I go into a shell thinkinh I am not worthy - but that is bullshit! I am worthy. I am hot. Anyhow, that was a fabulous Christmas.

Man, Vin Deisel. Woah.

Today I played an awesome acoustic version of a Destinys Child song. I mashed up Bootylicious and Crazy in Love. Definatly have to record this.
-Dash xoxo

Dash gets over three Virgos

Temptation of typing in an ex friend or crushs name into Google or to Facebook is very testing, but gets easier. The 'need' to know what they are up too, who they are seeing, or how romantic their beach holiday looks, fades. Soon you wont care. You'll have grown, seen that they weren't suitable for you, and never will be. You will wonder what you ever saw in them. You stand back and realize that they are quite ugly. It's amazing how being so horrid & selfish strips away any external beauty. You realize that the affection shown was to benefit them, and only kept you at arms length. That's okay though. Why? Beacuse you've learnt the signs of a player. You've had wine, after wine with friends. Cried a bucket of tears. You've read self help books [thanks Sam Brett]. You know to not chase them, but to let them 'chase' after you. If they want you, and are truly into you, they will Show you! Actions speak so much louder than words. Fucking old saying, but as true, as the sun rises. Most importantly, you respect yourself. Love yourself, who you are. You can take time with friends, and yourself - and not think about the person that caused you grief. You are a beautiful.. and worthy person who deserves love. Tell yourself "I am worthy". Believe it. I have faith in you.
-Dash xoxo

Dash got bored

Miss Love inspired me to post a few random facts about myself. EL gave me the tools to use.. Enjoy..

 THREE WAYS I AM STILL A KID
1. I believe everything is possible. 2. I draw on everything.  3.  I get excited over the smallest things.

THREE WAYS I AM ALREADY OLD
1. I cringe at the way younger people talk. 2. I think about the past too much. 3. I prefer nights in.

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO
1. Finish recording my EP  2. Move to Sydney 3.   Travel the world alone. 

THREE WAYS THAT I’M A STEREOTYPICAL “BOY”
1. I am messy. 2. Sometimes I grunt to communicate. 3. I act like I don't hurt, when I actually am.

THREE WAYS THAT I’M A STEREOTYPICAL “GIRL”
1.  2.  3.

THREE NEW THINGS I WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
1. Learn to drive officially (maybe) 2. Live on a property  3. Rock Climbing (outdoor)

THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MYSELF
1. Modesty 2. Honesty 3. Funny

THREE THINGS I STRONGLY DISLIKE ABOUT MYSELF
1. Modesty 2. Honesty  3. Impatient

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME
1. Liars  2. Frogs 3. Aggression

THREE OF MY EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS
1. Pad & Pen  2. Laptop  3. Guitar

THREE CHARACTERISTICS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX (OR SAME) THAT APPEAL TO ME
1. Kindness 2. Honesty 3. Knows how to communicate

THREE THINGS I JUST CAN’T DO
1. Give up integrity  2. Walk past a pet store without wanting to take them home. 3. See others go without

THREE CAREERS I’M CONSIDERING
1. Jackeroo  2.  Army(Soldier) 3. Open up a cafe

-Dash xoxo

Oh yeah. I am in a much better mood. Thank you x

Dash & Charlie, the Lawyer pt II

Excuse me while I bury my head into the pillow and cry. Man, this time of night always gets to me. Probably doesn't help that it is a Full Moon.
Am having an absolute wretched night. First an innoceant conversation turns into my non exsistant sex life and that I need to "slut it up".
Then I get a message from Charlie, the Lawyer. I honestly don't know why he messaged me. What was I expecting? Him to say he left his partner and wanted to be with me..?
Why oh why. I should not have responded. Brought up the feelings I had.. have. Why was I such a wanker. Arghh.
Fuck Fuck Fuck.
-D

Dash & The Farmer Pt II and III

I can't believe I haven't written about this. I emailled The Farmer. He responded saying lovely things. Then I sent another afew days ago, and within 5 minutes he'd responded.
The Farmer melts my heart.
-Dash xoxo

Dashs' Pash

It's almost time to wrap up the year. Almost. Perhaps I will write my wrap on New Years Eve, while I sit in my room with a glass... or a bottle of Red.
I was just having a "conversation" online with someone who is incredibly boring. I didn't think he could get more dull. Wrong Dash. Wrong. Just deleted his number, and his contact off Facebook... and then bit the bullet and deleted all ex dates and frustrating people.
On a postive note. I was asked out on Thursday by a very handsome Carribean man. Tall, educated, travelled, funny. So I went out to coffee the following day with him.. conversation flowed - then stopped dead, when he asked "Are you austistic". I was shocked, laughed a little and said No. After that, I still agreed to see him again. Though, I am unsure as he is going back overseas.
That night I had a Christmas function. Wine became my vice, and by 1.30AM we were all getting into cars to leave. On the way home we stopped into a petrol station. When the driver went in to pay - the "straight" co worker in the back of the car pashed me and kept insisting I go back to his house - I declined. For the rest of the trip I had to slap his octopus hands. Now, of course he doesn't remember - which is a blessing.
Saturday was a blur of hangover, flights interstate and singing.
Sunday was a family gathering which lead to many revelations of Pop spraying weed killer over an Uncles Marajuana stash when he was younger because he "thought they were weeds". And a very old (94) Aunt admitting she makes Salvia tea, and sometimes goes into the garden to eat the [salvia] flowers! Old tripper! That explains a few things!
Now it's time to start sorting out what I want to keep in this room for 2011. In a few months I want to be left with the bare minimum!
More dates before New Year... will keep you posted.
-Dash xoxo

Dash & Emo Penne

As what happened, just really happened.
I got emotional over food - a meal that I now can't eat.
As I went to take a bite of my delicious home made pumpkin penne pasta, I had flashbacks of when I used to cook this (among other dishes) for The Crush. As if I can't eat this now...

-Dash xoxo

Old Shoes, Oreos, & Dashs' Scattered Mind...

Feeling abit thrown. I've been sitting here for the last 20 minutes staring at a blank screen, gone through a box of Oreos', trying to think of how to write what I want to say. There is so much, and none of it relelvent to each other. Random thoughts I have had scribbled down on scrap paper.

-I didn't realize it at the time, but the reason I was in such a fucking mood yesterday was because my dad tried to contact me. Issues. How irritating.

-I was at the gym this morning at 5.30AM feeling good. When I finished, I was sitting at the bus stop looking down at the pavement and started thinking.  Right now, I may not have the best, or the newest things. But I am so thankful for them. My shoes may be old and tatty, but they are my old and tatty shoes. My clothes may not be the latest, but they keep me warm. I might be renting a small room, but I am safe from the weather. I am thankful I have somewhere to sleep at night. I thank God every day.
-You're a nice guy... but boring. I need to be stimulated. In every sense.

-I think manners are foreign to some locals.

-Bless my Asian run, Indian take out joint. They ran out of Naan bread, so served me fried rice and also stayed open 30 minutes past closing for me. Thank you!

-Saw the sexiest tat guy at Maccas.

That will do for now. I am tired and will write more later.

Love is beautiful
-Dash xoxo

Bromance = Bullshit!

"Bromance".... is bullshit. You are gay, just admit it.
It's not that I want you, it's just I want you to admit you are gay :-) You'll be so much happier.

-dash xoxo

Dashs' Midnight Anxiety

Midnight just hit. I think it's a combination of tired, and hungover. I'm in a really bizare mood. I'm not sad, not happy - slightly confused, abit anxious.
I would like to move to Sydney. Then again, I'd like to move to London. I could spend a year in Sydney, then hit London.
I could do alot of things - I can do anything.
-Dash xoxo

Dash & Dolly Parton (kind of)

Friday Morning - rehearsed, and started on some new lyrics :-)
Caught up with two friends i hadn't seen in too long. Got incredibly emotional. I was sitting there with them just thinking how much of a bad friend i have been. Rather than wallow on, I will just say I had a cry with them - got a few things aired over some amazing wine and tapas, and i will - i promise - to be a better friend. Afterall, i do love these two women with all my heart, just have to show it more.
Later that night at work - cheap drinks and loose boys and girls ripping up the dance floor. once i close the bar, i decided it was Dashs turn to have a drink. So I did. I ran into Mr Shy. We hugged. He has such smiling eyes. We went our seperate ways. Myself and MsV watched a Drag Show - it was great. MsV looked at me and said "I wonder where they put it" I said I was thinking the same thing, and spent a deal of the show looking in the performers "areas". Afew more drinks and photos. I met some great people that night too. One who really stands out was Greg. He comes bounding up to me, kisses me on the cheek and says "I'm Greg and I'm 18, how old are you?" I tell him 28, his response had me in hysterics! "oh my God, you're so cute for an old person!" I laughed so hard, I cried! Next thing I knew, I was back to Mr Shys house and we made out. Dash! What happened to goodbye?

Saturday. Oh Saturday. What a massive day/night!
la di da di da.. then went to the afterparty for an event. When that wrapped up, I text MsV and told her I was on my way to the club. Once I arrived, lined a few drinks up, then got them down! Absolutly tore up the d-floor. As I was dancing, I saw a man in a kilt, and a woman in a red latex skirt (ew) and if that skirt wasn't gross enough, what I witnessed next was so dirty that I am even questioning putting it in here. But that would be cruel, so I will just cum (pun intended) out and say it. He was fucking her from behind, while fingering her lady garden! THEN! I noticed her legs were all wet. Get a fucking room! That venue closed, so MsV and I decided to crank some karaoke. oh Lord, why!? Of course we bee lined it straight for the bar, lined up shots of tequilla. Sucked those down, and got on stage. Now, I must point out, that attempting Dolly Partons "9-5" intoxicated - is not a good idea! I muddled the words and this is what I sang [tumbled outta bed n stumbled to the keetchen, pulled myself...] With a roar of laughter from the crowd and applause, we kept going. That is until we must have seen something shiney, We walked off stage and to the bar. Champagne anyone? Don't mind if I do! After being "escorted" from that venue (for taking MsV into the male restroom - oops) I tumbled out of that bar, and stumbled to the park [did you like my play on words? pretty funny aren't i]. MEANWHILE, MsV has lost her camera, can't find her house keys, so decided to break in - and break in she did! MsV fell right through the ceilling! thankfully, no injuries!... While MsV is leaving three metre holes in her ceilling, Dash opens his eyes at 9.30 Sunday morning and is being woken up by paramedics after passing out in the Rotunda! Oops! I found a gas station, bought a Snickers (actually 3) and waited for a cab. Crawled into bed at 10 and woke up feeling like death warmed up at 4PM.
Now to watch some TV and get over this self inflicted awesomeness called "The Hangover" while I eat my three Snickers.
-Dash xoxo

Dash in the Studio

LYRICALLY BLESSED                                                                               

What a bloody amazing day! On no sleep I went from my morning job at the gym to the studio.Straight on in (to my surprise) record the demo jingle for a tvc. From that little nugget - back behind the Mic to lay down some vox on a cover song we are working on. I must say.. sounding fucking awesome.
-Dash xoxo

Dirty Laundry...Skeletons

About that other blog. I started getting all emotional and had to write straight away. I have finished rehearsing for today.
Where do I start?
Last week I get a phone call from an unknown number - seeing as though only a select few have my phone number, I am hesitant to answer, but I do. It's my Dad. My sister had passed on my number. I say hello and that I have to go (I was at work).
I go to the studio for a few hours of recording .. then head home, it's late and I am tired. So I crash. I wake up later that night to a missed call and a text message. "dash, it's dad, i just want to talk to you". I tell my sister about it, and she informs me as to what he wants to talk about.
Apparently, via my blogging and old Facebook, he "discovered" that I am not quite straight. Saying he is the last person to find out. Really? All those years growing up calling me a "pansy" "poof" & one I will never forget "clarence" (i was cross eyed) and referring to homosexuals as "bloody fags/poofs" calling the lifestyle "disgusting". I kind of thought he knew. He wonders why I don't want to talk to him.
I used to lie to my friends and tell them that I had a great relationship with my Dad. I don't, and doubt I will.
This is the person that denied I was even his child before I was even born. Then still denied me when he saw me as a baby. When he finally acknowledged my existance, he put me down, shut me down until the day he and Mom split (best day ever). I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders.
Afew years later, I moved interstate with a friend and my life really took a turn - I was living for me.
Anyway back to Dad finding out... My sister said he was on the internet researching how to approach a gay son, how to act, what to say - and that he wanted to tell me that "it's okay to be gay"... I'm sorry, but I can't stand that saying. Who is he to tell me that it's okay .. just, okay to be me. Being gay doesn't define who I am. I don't wear my sexuality on my sleeve.I've been without him telling me anything for more than half my life.
No, I don't have Dad issues. Just needed a vent.
It's fucking great to be me.
-Dash xoxo
ps and all the family beating around the bush "does dash have a girlfriend yet?" ... i wish they'd speak to me and not through my Mom.

Sweet Dashy Goodness

I went for a walk at 11.30 last night to grab a bite to eat. Picked up a packet of Tim Tams instead. Being the impatient person I am, I ripped open the packet as soon as I walk out of the store. Put the biscuit in my mouth, and the next few seconds were a blur. My eyes rolled in the back of my head, my toes curled, I moaned. It was sublime. I think I could've used a cigarette afterwards! First Tim Tam in three months. The tatse. The texture. The sweet chocolatey goodness. Heaven.
Midnight - chose to watch Toy Story 3 for the 19th time. Still laughed and cried in all the same scenes. How can a cartoon have such an effect on me? I guess it is closure?
I grew up watching the Toy Story movies - the first came out at a time when my parents just divorced, and my sister and I watched it together where my Dad was staying (with his Uncle & Aunt (our Godparents)). It just occured to me why I don't like watching the first film now - the memories are ones I'd like to forget. The forced conversation, the fake smiles...Anyway, that's another blog.
Tim Tams - Great. Toy Story 3 - Great. Happy happy joy joy
-Dash xoxo

Sunday Letter to Myself 10.23.10

Hey Man, it's been a while since we've spoken. I hope you're well, and life is treating you kindly.
Me? I've been living out of suitcases, living off noodles & tips from the bar. Singing and writing alot, life is good. So good.
Only you I can tell this to...
I look forward to the day I can finally lay my hat, and unpack my bags.
It's been a long road this year. I admit, it hasn't been easy, or my finest. Though one day I will be talking about this on Letterman. "Riches - Rags - Riches..."
I want to buy stuff & happiness.
You're my only friend, my confidant. The only one I can rely.
I don't know what to do with myself - Am I really doing all I can to make these dreams a reality?
Enough is not enough anymore. I have to step it up - Take it to the next level.
I am doing this. Positive affirmations...
I am I am I am living the dream
I will check in with you again soon.
Faithfully,
-Dash =)

Strange Addiction

Had an unusual form of libertaion yesterday. I deleted my Facebook account. No more running commentary of my life. No more late nights "refreshing" the page to see what's new.
It had become a strange addiction. It's only been 24 hours since I dectivated it, and I have found myself staring at the laptop wanting to log in. Every thought I've wanted to share, I've wanted to post. Instead, I am putting pen to paper and collaborating all my thoughts into a (hopefully) eventful, fun blog. I've had time to myself, time to walk, and more importantly - time to rehearse. I am recording a new track on Thursday. I've wanted this for so long and will not let anything get in my way - especially a silly social network. Welcome back to the real world Dash.
-D xoxo

Dash Conquers

*I realize that this blog may seem a little muddled - but it is all relevant...
Conquering fears, owning them & being the best you can be.

The unknown thrills me, yet there is something about it that scares the absolute shit out of me.
I've been passionate about music, acting, fashion, and well, the arts in general. However, it's taken me up until now to persue these dreams. I am going at it with a reckless abandonment. For too long I had taken the easy road.After string of gay bashings in my town I was concerned and almost didn't go out. To get to this club from my job requires me to walk down an alley (where some of the bashings occured). Call me stupid, but I stood at the beginning of the alley way I thought, and said out loud "I wont let fear own me"
I own my fear.

-Dash xoxo

DashJeVu, 5.50AM & The Flintstones

*Most of these events have happened over the last 10-15 years. I see patterns occuring, and dejavu. The dating scene in this city is quite small. So any similarities are coincidental. The people - male and female in this blog are no longer in my life.

I ran into The Crush tonight - was with his new partner. Was funny, I had to look twice, I barely recognized him. Is that a good thing?

Now I am sitting here at 5.50AM contemplating life. Where I am. Where I am going.. but I am distracted by The Flintstones. I really should know better than to start thinking when I am tired. I get emotional and really down. This blog will help air my thoughts.

Time to think of something positive. For instance, a little while ago, I participated in a charity fun run. It was an amazing day. I went to early to soak up the atmosphere... boy did I soak it up! I was extremely hyped and wet from the rain. It was my turn to run... and did I! I ran and ran. I didn't think I did that good a job. Thought I could've gone harder. Now, I obviously peaked in the right spot - I came First! The feeling of excitment and overwhelming joy was incredible. I hadn't felt that way in such a long time. Remembering this race, and coming first - really makes me feel good, and like I can do anything.
I can do anything. So can you.

Well Flintstones are over and it's 6AM I should get some shut eye.

Goodnight bloggers... happy reading & thank you for all of your support and emails! It really means alot to me.
_Dash xoxo

november 25

Dash & The Farmer

I generally don't have a type (as you can tell from my previous encounters). I do however, thanks to Samantha Brett, have an IML (Ideal Man List).

This little tale is about a man who ticks the boxes - The Farmer.

He...
Wants a family - Is travelled - Loves animals - Lives in the country, but isn't a stranger to the city - Oh, so handsome - Is an absolute sweetheart, and.... Strangely enough, a Virgo...

Sounds perfect huh!?

There's a catch... a pretty big one

We've never met, or spoken to each other.

Who is this guy - what am I doing!?

-Dash xoxo

The Virgo Who Started It All...

I think I have told you about this person, the one I dreamt about - The Crush.
Break it down into a short story...
We met on set of a film we both had roles in. Despite the 47 degree heat - I got hotter.
On paper - he seems perfect. dark hair big brown eyes, muscular, 29 and a Virgo. Great job. Big smile.
He was seeing someone, but soon left the person. We spent days, nights, weeks and months together. Told me of his love for me and "when i'm with you, it's like no one else exsists". He showed affection. I thought we were together.
One night I get a phone call from a friend who ran into The Crush out in the city .. and he said "Dash has the wrong idea". I was hurt, but didn't want to lose him as a friend (maybe he'd see how cool I was and want to date me for real).
I would try to tell him about what was going on in my life.. general stuff. He'd turn it into something about him. (it's okay, he just likes to talk.. and i didn't have much to say).
Then the iPhone came out - he began getting in touch with men through a certain hook up site. It got to the point where we couldn't have a conversation without him checking his phone. It got to the point, I couldn't be "just friends". I wanted more and he couldn't give it to me.
I avoided his calls, emails etc.. and one night I was reading and i get a knock at the door.. it's The Crush, asking "What's wrong? Why are you avoiding me?"
I said I wasn't, but my body langauge said otherwise. After a few more emails from him asking what was wrong... I didn't respond. His emails eventually slowed, then stopped all together.
Now we pass each other in the street and at first seeing him again hurt and had my heart racing. I thought I was over it, until I saw him with someone new... and I wondered if he was playing him too.
Short story shorter... he knew how I felt, though, I don't know that I felt used me and that he toyed with my emotions...Perhaps we were both naive.
I do wish him the best.... so I say farewell to The Crush
...but for how long?

-Dash xoxo

Four Dates & True Love

After a certain Virgo who completely destroyed my faith in men and resulted in me building pretty high walls. I decided enough was enough. He was never into me so I should put myself out there. I joined a dating site... responses came in thick and fast - said "No thanks" to many. However, I arranged four dates. Two out of the four were so miserable and whiney - I wanted to slap them. Let's begin.

Date One. Mr Salt&Pepper. Agreed to meet for a coffee. He was much shorter than I imagined. Banging body though. And you could tell he would've been extremely handsome in his earlier years - but years in a solarium .. anyway. While we chat... rephrase, while I spoke - he with his legs and arms crossed(bad sign), and either looking out the window or at the ceilling(worse sign), and he even asked "huh?" afew times (worst sign.. wasn't even listening...). I finished my coffee and said I had to go. As I was saying goodbye, he hugged me and asked to see me again - told him, we'll see - and I left. When I returned home, there was an email from him telling me how much he enjoyed meeting me, felt a connection and we should catch up again.. . umm What the Fuck!? Dash is big on communication - and that, was poor. Goodbye Mr Salt&Pepper.
Date Two. Larry the Lawyer. Again much shorter than I imagined and out for coffee. He was in a suit had come straight from work, he was an angry and a miserable man. Clearly not comfortable. I did manage a smile out of him towards the end, and thought maybe he just had a rough day at work and needed to vent. Conversed more over the next week and even told me he would've liked a kiss, but was too shy. I agreed to a second date - this time, dinner. I arrived early and ordered a drink (i thought i may need it, to sit through dinner with him)... then another and another. 6.55PM and I had been at the studio from 5AM.. I was abit tipsy - He arrived dead on 7, still in a suit (must have come from work.. damn - probably angry.."waiter, another vodka thanks"). After small talk and flipping through the menu and wine list.. and complaining over prices (tight much (i paid for myself)). I was extremely talkative, he had no idea I was almost drunk. I tried to lighten him up, afew jokes etc. He ordered a wine and I thought he may loosen up - Wrong. Fast forward I survived the night... got home and an email saying he had a great night, wanted that kiss and can't wait to catch up again. Sorry Larry the Lawyer, goodbye.

Date Three. Eddie the Emo worked in a bar and seemd really layed back, so I thought, this .guy is chill, we'll get on! Met for coffee... cute as a button. Then after introductions and small talk. He began complaining about life "fuck my life"... Oh wow. I didn't have a phone on me, so I was looking for any excuse to leave. He was actually pouting...  hello excuse, ANY will do. So I made up some lame excuse and said "nice to meet you, see you around". Third time with the email - "great to meet you, had so much fun". Being a little bolder, I responded "Thank you for taking time out today. However, I don't think we match. I wish you all the best."... Eddie the Emo... Goodbye.

Date Four. Sonny the Shy worked in an office. Not sure what he did exactly. Went out one Sunday afternoon for coffee. He was lovely, made great conversation, handsome. Took his jacket off and I noticed thin arms - odd thing to notice you say. I don't have a "type" but I like big arms. I told myself - gym will fix that - then he'd be perfect. Had a great chat, gave me a hug, offered me a ride home and i said I'd like to make the most of the weather and walk - thank you though. We went our ways, he sent the email.. basically the same as the others. Though I kept in contact with Sonny the Shy. We met up at clubs etc. After months of courting, I finally agreed to visit his home. I knew what was going to happen. So I went, we made out until 2AM and he fell asleep on me..After that, I realized - I only like him and don't feel anything more than that - but he does, and I could tell he didn't want "just friends".... so unfortunatly, Sonny the Shy... Goodbye.

So.. four dates down. they've all since met their true loves
D xoxo

Dash is looking for love

...I guess I deserve the man misfortune now -
...Need to get some good man karma coming my way -
...No more hook ups, despite how fun they are

Young Virgo Player

 Young Virgo Player (YVP)
I met YVP outside a club I worked at. He was walking by with a mate, we acknowleged one another and went our seperate ways.
After work that night, I ran into him again & he gave me his Facebook details. We began chatting online, and got to like each other - this went on for months. Until one night I was chilling out having a drink, he saw me and promptly came over, introduced me to his friends, then whisked me away to another area and pashed me, telling me he wanted to take me home. I said thank you, but no, not yet. We continued kissing, then I went home.
I tell my friends that this guy is awesome, nice, into me etc - Afew tell me they know of him and he is a "skank" "whore" and I don't believe a word...
We catch up the next weekend - at the same venue, and he lays one on me, right there in the street... wants to take me home again. This time I say "Yes". Once inside the club, he walks away, and onto stand between some guys legs & proceeds to hug him and whisper in his ear. I leave the club.
We catch up a few time when he is sober, nothing happens, so I ask him what's going on. Are you after a bit of fun, or something more? He tells me what I want to hear. I ask him about the nights at the club, and he tells me he has no recollection - that that is a whole different person. I also asked if he meant what he said and asked. He said "to you I did, because you are cute"... "but to others, i like to lead them on, tease them..."  I tell him I'm not into games and playing with peoples emotions - he shrugs his shoulders, i tell him best wishes.
Poor Young Virgo Player... Goodbye
D xoxo

Luck of the Dash

This AMR was Phil, the Irish man - this was short lived - but still lived. We met online through a dating site, I felt a connection, so rather than speaking online for months (which I normally do) I met him after two days. Now Irish man, was not the sort of guy I normally go for. He has a shaved head, facial hair & a big belly!
We were sitting on my couch having a great conversation when he asked if he could give me a kiss, I said no, laughed and told him i was joking and gave him a kiss that lasted three hours.
We caught up each week, each time just kissing and talking - he told me he felt the connection instantly, really liked me and could see a future with me. That sounded great. I was starting to see it too.
Behind closed doors - I was going through a private hell. Hours were cut at work, bills pilling up and I had an impending eviction! Within 48 hours - I was out of my home, and shacked up and cramming into someones spare room.
I put off seeing him, I was getting depressed. He kept emailling me telling me how he felt. I told him what had happened. I was now depressed, embarrassed, ashamed and deleted all contact.
One month later, I was feeling good and was at work, and guess who walks in - Irish man... with his new partner. Saw me in your future huh? I was your world?
I understand I fucked up and dealt with things poorly. But, seriously - why do the guys I meet tell me these things, then a few weeks later end up with "the love of their life"... maybe I am a lucky charm - one date with Dash and you'll meet you true love.

Never on the same page

According to the Stars, Capricorn (me) & Virgo are the ideal match. However, put me in a room with one, watch me develop feelings, read too much into everything - then watch me crumble! I fall for them hard, and they let me down. Come to think of it, all men have let me down - some way or another. Join me on my search for Mr Right. Let's examine past almost mr rights (AMR) and see if there is a common factor there. Feel free to share your stories too :-)
Let's travel back to a time long ago. There was a guy named Charlie, the Lawyer. Smart, funny & tall, dark and handome. The night we met (we'd spoken for years online prior) started hot and heavy. I woke up with the biggest hangover, being spooned by him - there wasn't the feeling of where am i? what have i done? Though this was my first time I'd been with a guy like this, it felt right. Comfortable.
After months of seeing each other, dinners, movies, drinks etc We'd always end the night making out and steaming things up. One night in the midst of literally steaming up the windows in his car, he asks "where is this going?". I was so shy and didn't think I was ready. So my response was the buzz killer "can't we keep it like this?"... Obviously not. I didn't see him for a year.
Skip past the drunken hook ups and regrets, Lawyer was still on my mind. I make contact and arrange a date - he says "sure". We meet and I tell him I am ready. He tells me he likes me, but isn't ready and would like to keep it casual. I say I understand and that I am looking for "something more" - I leave, and understand why they call a crush, a crush.
Hop and a skip to a few months later, I came the conclusion that if he wants casual, I'll go casual - atleast I get to see him. So I make contact again and this time I get a totally unexpected response... "I'm seeing someone...". I wish him all the best and say goodbye. Yet, to this day, he remains in my heart.

Two Jobs & A Little Red Clock

12.34PM - I made a wish.
Such a beautiful day today. I will be spending most of today in bed sleeping. Until I am woken by by little red clock. Tonight I work at the bar until 4AM tomorrow, then 5AM at the gym until 2PM.... And then off to record a track we've been working on. It's an amazing piece, lyrically and musically.
I can't explain what music means to me, how it makes me feel.
Now to eat a delighful Cup of Noodles, and back into slumber.
=D

Lately I've been dreaming about an old friend & crush (I say crush, because it was one sided). I have tried so hard to forget him. I stopped answering calls, texts, emails, deleted him from my Facebook, you get the picture. Now all of a sudden he is all that is on my mind. I run into him at the gym and he sets my heart on fire again. I think it's just infatuation. I don't know what I would say to him. I don't think we could be friends again. I don't want to hear about who he meets and hooks up with. For him to tell me(while we were mates), knowing how I felt - was just selfish and cruel.
I will try my hardest to keep the blog going and interesting - and not about that person. I will offer insight into my life as a bartender, receptionist, almost recording artist, and some time actor who is living in a spare bedroom!
Life is good & I thank the stars everyday that I get to experience it =)
-Dash