Dashing Back

Welcome back to me. It's been more than two months. Part of me knew I couldn't stay away. I'm a writer. Unsure who I'll share this with now that I no longer have Facebook. Again. This time I have not had it for over two weeks. I guess it had been coming. I was spending far too much time logged into that website, wasting time. I cannot believe that a simple website could be so addictive. Perhaps I am just obsessive. Actually, I am obsessive. Damn it.

Let's go back. Last time we were here, I had just started my new job in the city, I was feeling overwhelmed. That is a bloody good word to describe how I felt. Overwhelmed.

Starting in the city opened my eyes to so much. So much, that I will never change back to how I was before this. I have met some fantastic people through the job. A Drag Queen, a Slashie (actor/singer/dancer/model/reception), a Canadian and a ton of others. So many dancers, actors etc. To them, I am just a receptionist who likes to go out each weekend. And, oh boy! Have I been going out!
Back to meeting people. In the past two or so months. I have had afew guys catch my attention.

We'll start with The Colombian. We met at the gym, went for coffee, afew nights later, dinner. He was sweet as pie. Is sweet as pie. Gorgeous guy. Met his mates. Went on more dinner dates. Then he asked (after two weeks) if I'd be his boyfriend. Old Dash would have said no, but I said yes.
So, Dash has his first boyfriend. Felt so cool to say. Maybe I changed, maybe he changed. I felt the interaction between us grow apart. It all came to a night he asked me to meet him out, but to go out with his mates first. I thought, what the hey. So I went with his mates. Had a great time. Finally met up with him,  he was dancing with guys with their shirts off. Went to say gday and went in for a hug and a kiss - and he didn't reciprocate, just kind of pushed me away. That, with a mixture of Sambucca and Tequilla pushed me over the edge. I walked out of the club. Like a tosser - crying. Colombians friends followed me out and said Goodnight and not to worry. I walked home, sent a text thanking him for the fun nights we've had and goodbye. Over the next few days I sent a few more upset texts. And realised it definatly was a goodbye.

Later on, well two weeks ago I was out with The Colombians friends (they are good people). So there we were having a fucking ball, carving up the dance floor like maniacs, when I spy this Handsome Man up on the next level. I recognised him from the gym and knew he had a partner. Noticing he was there alone, I went up to say Gday. Got to chatting with him, discovered he is actually single. Learnt so much about him, well - alot considering we were in a nightclub. Next thing I knew, we were kissing. Then he took me by the hand and danced with me. Being a complete gentleman, he walked me home - me being bolder, invited him in! First for everything hey! Fast forward. He left. I was happy, and went to sleep. Putting it down to a once off, I let it go. He text me the next day! Due to work commitments, we could arrange a time. Then I left the State for a week. He still kept in touch. Friday comes, I step off the plane and there is a text from him welcoming me home and asking me out to dinner and film that night. I said yes. He arrived at 8PM looking so daper in a suit. A kiss and we are off. Throughout dinner he kept his hand on my knee, had wonderful conversation. The film, held my hand & walking to the car held my hand. Stole a kiss in the elevator then held my hand as he drove me home. Dropped me off. Kiss goodnight, and as nice as the night was for me, I think it was a kiss goodbye too. Never mind though. It's only been two days since hearing from him. I will wait for him to text I think. If he doesn't - then I know it was a goodbye. A sweet, perfect goodbye.

So that is what has happened in the man department.

As I mentioned before, I have been going out alot. It has been what I have needed. Getting out to dance, drink, be social, be young. Just have to learn when to stop, so my emotions don't get all stupid. Like they do when I get sleepy.

That's happening now. So.. I will log off. Post more later.

Dash
xoxo

Dash Signs Off - Thanks for Reading

Tonight I wrote a long blog about everything that crossed my mind, from thoughts scribbled on scrap paper, to notes in my phone...and then deleted everything.
Yes, I have shared some stories, some funny, some pathetic, and some intimate.
I thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking time out to read them.
However, I've decided that it's over. No more.
So I will leave you with this last piece of useless knowledge about me.

As at this exact moment I am 14,973,311 minutes old

Peace Out
-Dash

Dash - Remaking HIS World.. and Finding Cheese

Apologies in advance for the utter disgrace of this blog. This editing, little to be desired. But they are my thoughts, my words... so really - I can say what I want - how I want.

I had some time before work yesterday, and wanted to read something. I found a book I had hidden called "Who Moved My Cheese?" by Dr Spencer Johnson. I should point out now, I have many books that I have not read yet - I believe that you will read it when you are meant to. When you are ready. This book, came at such a time when I needed to read it. It's about change, and how to manage it. I should also mention, a few days prior... I began a new job. Long story short, it was amazing and reading it once was enough. It is now in an Express Post bag someowhere in the air on it's my to my sister. My turn to pay it forward.

I went to work with a new found energy and enthusiasm.

Last night I opened a book I have had for quite some time. "Remaking the World" by Dr Frank N.D. Buchman. I had no idea what the book was about. I have never read it, let alone opened it. Upon opening the book, I was so overwhelmed by the stained pages, the smell, the smudged ink....the smudged ink? Upon reading the forward and a few random pages. I discovered that this is a first edition, printed in 1947. Containing speeches. I began reading a few, but was so taken with the musty of smell of the pages and the ink - all the words became a blur and I just found myself flicking through pages being taken in and my emotions flowing out. I am still not ready to read the book, and don't think I will be for a very long time. But the book has spoken to me. We are connected.

About two weeks ago, I picked up a book that has, in fact, altered my actions and thinking. "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff" by Dr Richard Carlson. Holy cow! You need to read this book for yourself for you to understand. All I will say, is, I am calmer and more patient. Less judgmental and overall, so much happier not "sweating the small stuff". Really, will anyone care in a year if someone fucked up your coffee order? No. Don't sweat it. Telling someone "Muchly appreciated" really goes a long way. Telling someone what they mean to you, and why. Telling someone that you love them. Writing a heart felt letter. Letting go. I feel like my spirit is soaring. Jesus & Gravity. Jesus lifts you up... Gravity pulls you down. Balance.

Feeling good. Been to a few industry nights to meet other Artists. At first I was a little shocked at some of the attitudes. Then I realised, I am the new kid on the block. Not to worry about it and just be me. Charm their Christian Louboutin heels off! Week after week, things are happening. I have checked out a new studio and production team. I am very impressed and (just quietly) think I will sign with them. Meeting some amazing artists and very privledged to have met them.
Given my workout a shake up. Stopped weights and cardio. Taken up Yoga. No, not because of Hot Yoga Guy - well, maybe just a little. More about that another time.

Also feeling so much like a country boy. Since this new job started in the City. At the risk of sounding naive, my mind is being opened to so much. Rather than feel inadequate, I will relish in the fact that I have not been around the block like some of these City folk.

Anyhow. All n all. Feeling okay. And that is okay. I am going to have a cuppa, and a crumpet. Take notes, write down ideas - and tomorrow - nut out a song or two.

If any of my muso mates are reading this.. thank you for your constant inspiration and encouragment. I am blessed to have you in my life.

I have loads to update on.. all in time... maybe.

Siamo Uno

-Dash
xoxo

Dash: A New Day

High, highs. Low, lows.
Everyone needs to vent. I just happen to do it via this website.
After my rant yesterday. Pearce saw it online, and had messaged me within a few minutes. Fuck, I wish we were closer. Nevermind though.
I think Pearce is the only bloke I haven't described. Maybe one day. Maybe I will just keep the image of him to myself.
-Dash xoxo

Dash: Sugar & Sabotage

Sugar & Sabotage:

Sunday. Sitting on a surfboard out on the water. I woke up and decided that today would be the start [again] of cutting out sugar. Surfing is sure to keep my mind off it. All I manage to do is sit on the board and watch tourists run in and out of the water, chasing waves, still dressed in their clothes. The sky looks dark and scary, and it's only three pm. I paddle in, put some dry clothes on and catch the ferry. By the time we reach the City, I am shivering, soaking and looking like a drowned rat.
When I got home, I put some dry warm clothes on - not even bothered to shower - besides, I love the small of the sea salt on me.
Wrapped myself in my trashy fabulous leopard print blanket and read a book.
Day two with no sugar. Talk about withdrawals. Dash got his bitch on. My head was throbbing and I was so thirsty for some sweet, sugary goodness.
Day three is a tad better, but I am feeling blue. You know what happens when I feel blue... I get to thinking. Ah, Dash - why do you do this to yourself. Thinking is not good!
I was receiving texts messages from a guy I was into. Yet I found myself either sending succinct replies, or not replying at all.. What is going on in my brain? I've had time to think you see - stepped out of the moment and into reality and begin to think about what I really want. What I really look for. I know he's out there. Somewhere.
So, here I am. Out of the moment, and thinking about past [would/could/should? be] relationships, and why they didn't come to fruition. Common Denomenator - Dash.
Quite simply - I slowly cut people out. I sabotage my chance at happiness. I do think they can do better than me. And quietly, Am I holding out for someone else? No one in particular. Just, the One. Makes me wonder how many chances of happiness I have missed out on. How many experiences I have missed out on.

I met a guy for coffee. He was incredibly unattractive, and what he did made him just plain ugly. So many awkward silences. He even showed me his phone - a fucking ifuckinghateiphonehookupapps iPhone. On the screen was a hook up site with his picture on it - he even answered a "request" while sipping his coffee. Obviously set my bar way too high. I no sooner finished my drink, had I made an excuse to leave, followed by a "see you around".

Wow. In typing this up, I have just gone downhill emotionally. Fuck.
More thinking, turning into word vomit.
It's so hard when you have a friend.. who turns out not to be a friend anymore. The convenient friend. I have always been so blind to see, or just didn't want to see. The fear of being alone. The fear of never fitting in.

What the fuck is this fear I have. I am fucking insane.
I want.
I don't know what I want.
I want to be the phoenix rising from the ashes - but all I feel I am, is the ash - throw me out to sea.

So now I am sitting in the common room at the hostel, feeling worthless and pathetic.

I don't even feel worthy enough to sign my name

.

Dash Fast Forwards

Pearce makes me wonder. What would have happened if I stayed. It scares me, and excites me. Sure, he could give me unconditional friendship and great sex (assuming I lost my virginity to him). I don't know that he could give me what I really want. Love. There, I said it. But honestly, isn't that what we are ultimately searching for. The one? He is a wonderful guy and yeah, I have fantasised about this and that with him. I just found myself falling [again] into the same trap with him. We barely know each other. This "fast forward' thinking has to stop. I am slowly changing though. Just hope I don't turn into a cold hearted prick that I know I have potential to be. Even writing this, I am feeling feelings leave my body. My jaw is tense and my body rigid. Could be the fact that it is 5AM on a Saturday morning and I am up on my way to work. Could be the fact that I got a text message from some douche who is intersted in Pearce. Fuck I am warped. I really need to get a real life.
-Dash xoxo

Dash. Virgin. Vanity. Vocal Part II - 21st Century Dating

"I'm sorry, I can't do tonight. I have something else on." My gut churned reading that text message, and my pride was hurt a little. I was being stood up. Again. Someone cancelled on me a few days earlier. What the fuck! Their loss, and not mean to be I suppose.
When I got home, slightly pissed off and feeling a tad blue, I logged onto the dating website and answered emails I would normally avoid. I had a quick chat to someone who seemed interesting. I liked what I saw and [unlike me] agreed to meet the next day. He actually turned up. All shortness of him. He was tiny & not at all goodlooking. I can see why he did only posted headless photos. I thought, don't be an arsehole Dash - get to know him. Within 5 seconds I think, you are kidding yourself to think that your family and friends don't know your gay. Either that or they are deaf and blind. He was so camp. Within the next 5 seconds I can tell he likes me.  I was actually embarassed to be seen with him. He made the most awful scene when I sat down to have a meal with him. His arms were flailing and his nasally voice carried accross the cafe. He didn't shut up. He was making holiday plans, and wanting me to meet the family and his friends. Fuck. I went to say goodbye - but he stayed around, making for some awkward and forced conversation... two fucking long hours later - I shook his hand & said see you around. 24 hours and 400+ text messages [from him] later, I am finding it hard to be civil. Damn being so polite.

Eight years ago I started chatting to Mr Blue Eyes. We shared alot [as you tend to do online - easier confessions]. We continued chatting over the years. Sharing dreams. Loss. Love. We'd often be in the same city at the same time. We'd talk of meeting and wanting to spend time with one another - deep down I knew it would never happen. We were in two different worlds. he had his career & and regimented life. I [still am] a scatter brain gypsy child. He's blonde with [you guessed it] blue eyes. I am dark with dark eyes.
One night we were texting, and I mentioned I had arrived in Sydney. He was out of the country on business for a few weeks. I got on with work and life. Before I knew it, I was reading a text from him "No more hiding behind a computer, let's meet :-)." I was excited, but calm - and not at all nervous. Afterall. I knew everything about him and him about me... oh, fuck... I've told him all my secrets... NOW I was nervous!
The time came. 7PM. I was walking towards the coffee shop - I see him. He's in a red shirt. Sipping his decaf long black [no sugar] checking his phone. Something came over me. I walked up behind him, and like an old mate, I grabbed him by the shoulders and said "blue eyes". He turned, and smiled the biggest, whitest smile. Stood. and hugged me like I can't even explain.
We had dinner, coffee, walked. Spoke about everything. I couldn't take my eyes off him. The way his eyebrows moved, the dimples in his cheeks, the curls on his head. The way he spoke. The affection he showed. Always smiling. His laugh boomed. It was surreal meeting him face to face. Surreal, but right. So much better than typing to one another all night and seeing his little profile picture in the corner. We walked back to his apartment. Before we said goodnight, he hugged me - for what felt like an eternity. He kissed my lips - all I could say was "wow". I walked away dizzy, weak and smiling. Damn!
The next night we met for a coffee - This guy is real. Fuck!

So much happens here. I can't believe it has only been a month. Thought I would share a few more tales. And while I am not so scattered, finish my previous blog!

One night I jumped out of bed - running through the dark dorm  - I kneed someone [who was doing meditation] in the face.
Another night I was sitting up in bed on my laptop enjoying the stillness and quiet of the room. I leaned slightly to my left, lifted a cheek ... and dropped my guts. Within 5 seconds I heard someone say "Ya right there?!" and they stood up from the bottom bunk, laughing. I was mortified.

As I have been typing this, my French roommate has been chasing a cockroach around the room with a thong, screeching "fook it is yuge... fook... fook". I can't stop laughing.

I have cancelled my surgery - after a quick word from a good friend. It was cancelled within the hour.

Be writing more lyrics. Had a sing and a jam with a busker at the train station. Felt so fucking good!

THATLDO
I hope you enjoyed this installment.

-Dash
xoxo

Dash. Virgin. Vanity. Vocal

Shit! I'm going to die a virgin. Yes. I had this dreadful thought, only moments earlier. As I was climbing onboad the train - I thought to myself. "If this crashed, I am fucked, without being .. well, fucked!". When did I turn into this person. Sure I was waiting. Now though. Part of me wants to remain the big V until I meet someone special. Part of me wants to give it up. I gave everything else away, why not this? To be honest. I do want it. I crave it. I just don't want my first time to have me being used. I would like a relationship before it happens. That would require meeting someone.. anyone. So far, there have been no fish. I am in Sydney - you think I'd be like a cat at a fish farm. Alas, no. I am not what they want here, Next month I am taking a drastic step to appear younger. I am getting some surgery to my aging face. I have fallen trap to vanity - all to be accepted and loved. I do love me, just not my increasing creasing eyes.
I do not eat well. Which is a promise I broke a few weeks ago when I moved here. I vowed that I would eat healthier, cleaner foods. Instead, I am eating packet noodles and loving free coffee. I have kept one promise to myself. That I would train in the gym more - and I certainly am.
Today for breakfast, I had a can of Red Bull & a hot chocolate. Guzzling that down I said out loud to an empty room. "what are you doing dash!?"
Vocals ..Singing loud and proud with buskers, tourists, myself - loving it! Writing a load of new material.
Scattered brain will post part two soon
-dash xoxo

Dash the Invisible

Feels like the world is falling apart. Apologies in advance if this blog goes one way then another. My head is scrambled at the moment.
Feels like my heart is breaking, and I don't know why. There have been a series on fucked up events, all snowballing - into me bawling on Oxford Street, Sydney.
Started off okay - I guess. I woke up Sunday feeling old, ugly and just plain, less than average. Thought I would go for a walk to clear my brain. I found a coffee shop, decided I deserve a blueberry muffin to go with my regular soy chai latte. Consuming that and having a smile at people walking by with their miniature somethingorrather dogs. A quick look at the time, I realised I should be getting ready for bed - having to wake up at 3AM is a bitch sometimes. The rain started as I began to walk, so I board a train. We were pulling into Central Station and the Conductor screamed something unaudible into the PA. The train stops and the lights go out. I thought to myself, Great! It's broken down again. After what seemed an eternity to a guy to can't sit still, the lights began to flicker. Red and Blue lights are flashing into the dim caarriages. Before I could even think - Police Rescue, and Security came storming through, asking everyone to make our way out through the front of the train. As I am walking along I see an Officer crouched down on the platform, shining a torch under the train. I step off the train, I see people standing around with arms folded and hands over their mouths. I hear a woman tell another that someone is under the train, and had been hit. My heart began to beat even faster and faster. When I saw the stretcher - I looked away and rang my Mum. Everyone was calm and silent. I heard someone sob. As I turned, I saw the body being lifted. I don't know whether it was a male or a female. I began to shake and feel sick. I began to well up, but controlled myself enough to find an exit and make my way out. How did this happen? Did they jump? Slip? [Try to] Cross the track? What about the poor persons family. The driver. The witnesses. No one will be the same. This and the images will be etched in their minds forever. I know it will be in mine.
According to a local source - one person a day in NSW is killed by a train. Whether accident or suicide. It got so late. I lay in bed holding my rock (snowflake obsidian) and I eventually fell asleep.
Monday morning came around too quickly. I woke up still clutching my rock. Put on a smile, and faked it all day. I got to work and there was a note from a fellow employee who told me I left my work station a "Disgrace". Those who know me, know this is impossible. I let it go. Until he came prancing into work with his oversized sunglasses and flailing arms. I asked him about it and he told me he was digusted. Trying to let it go and him wanting the last word fired me up - so I walked out. Went home - went to the gym. Started to feel good. Even met a lovely guy who worked there. Afterwards, feeling pretty awesome, I went to my new favorite coffee shop - Chai Latte and people watching. Not a single person noticed me - I am in no way an attention seeker, but that got me down. Not even a quick smile from anyone. Got tired and went home.

Tuesday I woke up in a panic - I had ten minutes to get my shit together and get to the bus stop. I made it.
Got to work, and there was shit all over the place. Even notes stuck down on the desk with sticky tape (alot of sticky tape) after I spent 4 hours cleaning it and left a note asking them NOT to use it! My name tag was fucked up too. I stood there for about 15 minutes not knowing what to do. I wasn't angry. I was upset, and began to feel so fucking unwelcome. Am I that much of a threat to them. I have had some of the best training in the country, and do everything by the book. I have tried to implement a few of these things slowly - but they just wont do it. Will not do anything other than less than the minimum. I'd say stand there and look pretty - but they are not pretty.
After a long day. I get called into the Managers office to give "my side" of what happened. I didn't want this. I want it to go away and start again. I obliged. Then the other party had to go in and give a side. I waited for a while, but left. Feeling sick and like I'd done something wrong. I worried, became anxious and fucking upset! What the fuck is wrong with me?
I came home - check emails, get some food - still feeling like a troll. I thought my new favorite coffee shop would cheer me up. 20 minutes. A Chai. And a few tears later - No. I start questioning everything. I feel rejected. Invisble and like a mess. Dash the Invisible. Inside my head, I wass screaming out for someone to look at me. Just look at me.

You know sometimes you look at someone as you pass them. You think they look at you and you look back. I just want someone to look back at me. Just a little sign. Maybe they are just polite. Maybe I misread the smiling eyes. Something tells me though - no one will ever look back.

I need to move on. Do things differently. I am unoticed. So what am I doing wasting my thoughts on people I don't know. Yet I still think "what if"... Fuck this brain is arghh!

Obviously, I have starteds writing again. But, writing lyrics again in over a month. Alot has happened. Grown a bit. Felt sheltered and lost a part of my innocence. Finding myself. When you see someone dead. A little piece of you changes. It's been a freaking long road, and it's far from over. I want answers. I want names. I want them now. So many crossroads. I just want to arrive somewhere.

I keep on lying to others and myself, forcing that smile and hoping that one day i will believe [and really be] okay. Am I cut out for this?

THATLDO

-dash xoxo

Dash, meet the Hills

So, I just deleted what I was initially going to say. I will pick up where I left off - making a new friend. What a brief friendship. She left two days later. I guess that is what happens when you stay in a hostel. Not to worry though. I enjoy not talking.

One friend gone, and a few more made. Well, atleast I think so. I went out with my new colleagues out in The Hills. Miss T & I went together, got some dinner and drank Moscato and Rose [from the bottle - so classy] in a carpark. We drank hard and fast and took bottles with us on the walk to the bar. Working my way down the cocktail list, around a stripper pole & on the dance floor. I can honestly say - I have not had so much fun in a long time. Didn't take long before I was tired and ready for bed. Knowing I had to work in the morning sobered me up. Miss T & I grabbed a pizza, or two. Sat in the middle of the Mall until security informed us that they had closed. So we left, slept & worked.
After work, I still had some energy and decided to cook some pasta and pesto. Cooked served. Then realised - I don't own cutlery! Back to the kitchen - found some tongs, and managed to eat.
Last night I was feeling tired and old. Not hungover, just no energy. It was a night to celebrate Earth Hour. So I made my way down to the harbor and listened to an Aboriginal elder speak about the land, being brothers and everyone, and thing being connected. I was feeling it. The hour came, and all the lights went out, silnce fell over the warf - but magic happened. Someone began to cheer, a band began to play, and hoola hoop performers twirlled. Two guys passing through started to break dance and freestyle funk. The hour came and went so quickly. I decided to go to bed, feeling happy and satisfied.
Today is Sunday - what adventure awaits me...
-Dash xoxo

Dash in the Dark

I've grown. Evolved. These first two weeks in Sydney have been a test of my character. A test of my strength. People I email back home, are always saying - you can always come back. I haven't even thought about going back. As trying as it has been, I just keep looking for new ways to improve myself and the situation - Not go back. Wipe the shit from the fan, and move on.

Even when it comes to speaking, I only speak at work when I need to. No.. okay, not as much random junk coming out of my mouth. Yes, I did confuse Chicken with Beef Two Minute Noodles!? They taste the same!

Here is the biggest doozy of a story. Two nights ago I was falling asleep. As I was drifting off, I felt this incredible heat come over my body. I open my eyes, and to my horror I am face to face with my Chinese room mate. He was laying next to me. I yell at him to "get the fuck out of my bed". As he flies out, I sit up and notice he has hung sheets all around my bunk bed. I tore them down and threw them across the room, switched all the lights on and continued to yell at him - meanwhile the entire room is waking up watching what is happening. I pick up my wallet, laptop and phone - wrap myself in a blanket and head downstairs to reception. Within minutes the receptionist is upstairs giving this guy a warning.... a warning!? At this stage I was past furious, I was feeling sick and disgusted. I didn't want to go back into the room. So I sat in the stairwell on my phone and laptop to my Mum - almost crying. The Chinese guy approaches me and tells me that he only did it because I was "coming on" to him.[he saw my hands go wandering on myself one night(it was dark! i'm a guy.. and it had been three weeks)!] I tell him to back off and do not speak to me again, calling him crazy. This of course sends him crazy - oops! I walk away and go and sit outside... in my blanket. I stay here for a good hour, and decide I am better than this and go inside to my room. laying in bed, thinking this guy is about to turn ninja assasin on me and put a pillow over my face in my sleep - i lay. wide. awake..... Next thing I know, I wake up at 11AM - I slept, and I am alive!.. and Chinese guy is still there.. fuck. My phone rings and I get called into work - Thank you God!! Work was great, spent time meeting new people. Then it was time to come back - I did, and no Chinese guy! Thank you God! I go to bed, wake up - he's there.... staring at me. I hear one of the Brittish tourist say to his friend "no one jumped in your bed last night did they?" I laughed out loud and looked at the Brittish guy - and we both pissed ourselves laughing. Later that night, Brittish girl approaches me, and says "do you speak English?" I say yes and she sits on my bed and starts talking about the eventful night, and that everyone in the hostel has been talking about it. I laugh and say, as creepy as it was - it has made for a decent story. Three hours later, I've made my first friend in Sydney. Now laying in bed, listeing to the rain as I type this and feel my eyelids get heavy.
Bring on the world! I'm going to take it.
-Dash
xoxo

Dash Bleeds

(a begger collecting money thrown at him)

I've come to realise that I have a very good life. I have everything I need. Sitting here overlooking the harbour. Feeling grateful. Where is my mind and blog going with this?
Well, recently there have been countless natural disasters, both here and overseas. Floods. Fires. Earthquakes. Tsunamis & Cyclones. My heart absolutly bleeds for the people in these catastrophies. There are so many stories of tragedy and loss. People without electricity, water and food. Yet, there are few stories of hope and triumph. Survivors. Courage. Kindness. Yes, the recent events have been terrible. Though focusing on them in such a negative way - just draws in more neagivity. Let's be positive (as much as we can) See the light. See the hope. Believe that we, as one race, can get through. There is so much strength within each of us, imagine what we can do together.
Now something closer to home. As you know, I have made the move to Sydney, Australia. It has been wonderful - [even stacking it in my underpants!] Except one thing. When I arrived, I noticed a few homeless men and women at the train station. All dirty, sad, smelling of alcohol and begging for money. I kept walking. Down the road to where I was staying. As I did what everyone else did, and tried to look past.them, the more I noticed in [no exaggeration] every corner and underpass had homeless men and women sleeping/begging. As much as I wanted to help them all - I couldn't. Or wouldn't? I wanted to sit down with them and ask them their names, why they are homeless. I kept walking, Then I almost trip over someone - a homeless teen. Why on earth isn't he with his family? How did he end up like this? I had never seen so many homeless people in one place, let alone a teen,. someone so close to my age. He could be my brother, my cousin. Has my life been so sheltered from the reality of cities in this supposed fortunate country? I guess in the scale of things, we are fortunate - but I want to see these people successful and healthy - with a roof over their heads.I don't want to see homeless people - that could be taken two ways, so i will rephrase... i don't want to see people homeless.
I will have to sign up to a local soup kitchen in the early hours of my day off. I may not be able to give them a roof, but I can sure help getting food to them.

-dash  

Dash Checks In

Day One
Well I made it. After a rocky start, and unexpected high costs. I fucking made it.
The club I worked at was being raided by the police. so I could not collect the three weeks of wages owing - so a few phone calls made, and I (well, my boss) arranged for me to pick it up at another venue! With that in my pocket, I had thirty minutes to get home, shower and get the bus to the airport. I make it home with five minutes before the bus comes. Ripped my work clothes off, fresh deodorant, underwear and clothes. Pick up my two heavy arse suitcases, and run down the stairs and out to the bus - which i caught... at a price. I hurt my bloody knee! Get to the airport, kind of happy, kind of sad i was there by myself. Check my luggage in - I had to pay $180 in excess. Fuck! See a guy from the gym - good to see a freindly familiar face.
 Arrive in Sydney, check in at hostel and go for a walk. I managed to get extremly lost - but I found food and by 11.30AM I was eating bacon and eggs. Went out for a cruise on the Harbour. Then in bed, fast asleep by 8PM.

Day Two
Wake up at 3AM to go to my first day at work. Very exciting. The day flew by. The team I am working with now are incredible. All so welcoming.
I got home by 3PM, went to Manly, had a phone call from my sister & asleep by 8PM again!

Day Three
Second day at the new job confirms that I have made the right decision. V. V. Happy!

Day Four
Great start to the day, I swapped my regular drink for coconut water - OMG! So much energy!
Work was a blast, met more new faces. Really feels like home here.

Day Five
What a start to the day. The normally prompt, and often too early Dash was running late. Waking up in such a panic, I swooped up all my clothes (still in my underwear) and gym bag, ran out through the lobby and onto the street. Not realising the sidewalk was wet as I bolted around the corner, I absolutly came a buster! Oh, boy did I stack it! Sprawled out like a starfish [still in just underwear] across the road, bag, wallet, money, cards etc all spilled out onto the road. As I look up - VROOM, the bus drives around, and PAST me.
Holding back the tears as I gather my gear from the road, I stand up and felt that twinge in my ankle and burning knees. Fan-fucking-tastic! I sprained my ankle and grazed my knees. Hobbling back to the place I was staying I walk past a group of people and see someone throw a packet of cigarettes on the ground - that upset me even further, so I picked up the packet, handed it to him and said "You dropped these". His mate took them from him and threw them BACK ON THE GROUND! I said "Are you fucking serious" - he proceeded to tell me he was "jorkin, dorn worry me, jus avin' a larf" (fucking brittish backpackers - brilliant). I go on a rant about keeping this country clean and respect it. His mate was having none of this and got angry - so I felt that was my queue to go inside.
Once inside the lobby I felt stares of the reception staff. Upon pushing 7 in the elevator, I look in the mirrored walls and see myself bloody, dirty, and in my underpants - at this point I laugh and come up with a plan to get to work.
Shower, clean up and dress - feeling fresh, and organised.
I am outside waiting to a cab - only took afew minutes in this buzzing city! I asked the driver how much it would cost me to get to work - he tells me, I laugh, and we haggle. I cringe as I hand over the most I have, and will ever pay for a cab ride again! In the end I was glad I bussed that bus and caught a taxi. The driver and I had a great chat, AND I got to work on time - with plenty to spare.

Day Six
Check into the doggiest hostel yet. Atleast I can stay for two weeks and not worry. $10 in my pocket until I get paid... I can do this.

Dash Beams

So, I have been staring at this screen for almost an hour.
I have written, & re written - over and over what I really want to say. Yet I delete it. Something is stopping me. So much is happening.
I am impossibly happy, and positively beaming. I want to share ... but, I can't.

-Growing
-Dash xoxo

This Is Dash: Dash Enjoys the Little Things, & Stops Thinking......

This Is Dash: Dash Enjoys the Little Things, & Stops Thinking......: "I was told recently to sit back, relax, and enjoy the little things. Being the stubborn goat I am, I reluctantly agreed. Now, I am absolut..."

Dash Enjoys the Little Things, & Stops Thinking... (kind of)

I was told recently to sit back, relax, and enjoy the little things. Being the stubborn goat I am, I reluctantly agreed. Now, I am absolutly enjoying every single moment of it. The same person asked me to write a list of everything I want to do before I leave. Here I am at 6:37PM Wednesday - February 23. 2011 & I have done everything I have wanted. I will be leaving a very happy, fulfilled person. Enjoying the little things...

One thing I would like is for someone to hold me. Just each night until I fall alseep. Am I holding out for someone?

I must stop thinking about The Farmer.
Really. What do I know about him? What does he know about me?
Not a whole lot.
Will we get to know each other?
Hopefully. In reality, probably not.
Does it upset me?
A little.
What is the attraction to this bloke?
He's humble. Sweet. Funny. Hard. Strong. Emotional. Experienced. Vunerable.
Sure they are dot points, and qualities I could find in another man.
Surely they aren't unique to this Virgo Farmer with the sexy voice?

-Dash xoxo

Dash is a Plum

Blogging has been a release of some sort. I know not many people get the chance to read them. It's okay though. Just putting it out there is good for me, and sending all my positivuty into the Universe is good for others.

I have a few close friends, who at a time in my life (obviously when I needed it) where all so close and tight. Now, as the years have weathered on, so has their friendship. Not with me, but with each other. It is sad to see them not get along anymore. Life goes on, and I am lucky that they are still in my life - seperatly! I am incredibly blessed to know that they will always be there. No matter where life takes us. We'll be mates. And they know they own a piece of my heart.

Afew days ago, I had a very special person, pull a Tarot Card from the deck just for me.
It was a plum - Ripeness... I was confused, and pondered it for a day and then asked her what it meant. Mia told me - Ripeness is good.The plum is Ripe, Juicey, Bursting & just about to break free from the tree.
Which is Exactly what is happening. Leaving home - very very soon.

I'm evolving.

-Dash xoxo

Dash Dreams/Dash Does

Paper work is sorted - The ink hasn't even dried yet. Flights booked & 18 sleeps to go!
I wonder, what will be different? Sure I have been there before, and wished I lived there - now it's reality.
I wanted to record a CD - it's reality.
I wanted to be on TV and in movies - it's reality.
I wanted to model - it's reality.

Dreams come True
:-)
-Dash xoxo

Dash, the Player!?

While I was walking home at 3AM after meeting up with Mr Nice (for a wine). I had a mighty revelation. Maybe "I am the player".
The unintentional virgin player.

I admit there are times when I was younger - even I kept guys at arms length incase someone better came along. Pretty shitty thing to do.
I don't do that now, I am very upfront.

Surely I am not a player...
　
Am I?
　
-Dash xoxo

Dash Duplicates

Ever since I can remember, I have copied other peoples handwriting - very well. So well infact that the original author has questioned "did I write that?". I am talking about handwriting styles, not forgery. Now all these years have resulted in some pretty muddled looking peices of writing from me. I've taken styles from may, and made them into my own style. Sometimes I like writing in captial letters, others, running writing - all depends on how I am feeling.
Even my accent has copped a muddle! Depending on where I am, or who I am with it changes.
Maybe it comes from wanting to fit in for so long. Wanting to blend. So I have lived as a chameleon. Until now that is.
I want to stand out.
I want to be the brighest star.
I want to be rare.
I want people to notice me.
Sometimes I ask myself, "Who am I?", but really...
I know who I am.
I do stand out.
I am the brightest star.
I am rare & people do notice me.
I am Dash.
xoxo

Dash Can't Dance

After all these years, I've resided to the fact that "I can't dance". I know this, and accept it. The most you will get out of me is some fist pumping, and depending on liqour levels in the body - some jumping around. Though, I have been known to bust out the "Running Man" & the "Sprinkler"!
Now days, I like to sit with friends over some tapas and wine, and most of all - talk.

This week I decided to visit our old stomping ground. Now that my best mate isn't around any longer, I thought I'd have a drink in his name. As it turns out, it was 42 degrees & all I could handle was water. I found a stool and parked myself there. I watched the new generation and the scene queens (that haven't changed, with the exception of wider waist lines and tired faces) all putting on a show - dancing like everyone was watching. Arms flailing, feet stomping, striking dramatic poses as the "Time Warp" is blasted throught the massive speakers - all the while, taking it oh so seriously.

Enjoying my people watching, I watched men go from one to another hoping to find Mr Right... or Mr Right Now. If they see you looking in their direction - that must mean you want them. Next thing I knew, I had this old queen all up in my area. A smile and a "no thanks" didn't seem to work. Pushing him away, and facing the other way definatly didn't work. So my next step was a stone cold face and a blunt, but effective "Fuck off" did the trick. Thankfully he was hammered, and wont recall what I said. That was my cue to leave - no partying until sunrise.

I did the customary fast food visit. While I ate, a girl was throwing her meal up in the restroom - oblivious that everyone in the restaurant could hear everything.

The next day I hear stories of guys getting their drinks spiked. If your drink was actually spiked, you know it. You wouldn't be Tweeting about it 10 minutes after you leave the venue. Don't use that as an excuse for your excessive drinking. Silly boys.

Well, another 42 degree - perfect Sunday really. No hangover. No bruised feet from jumping around like a lunatic. Just a night of smiles, laughs, & good memories.

I miss you Luke White
-Dash xoxo

Dash Talks, Without Saying Anything

Reading other peoples blogs I realized that I have nothing to say! Sure I talk about day to day things, but the ones I have read - really say something. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others, but I am a guy, it's what we do! For the shortest moment I considered changing the way I wrote & also choosing topics and dicussing them. Then within a itty bitty second, I thought - that isn't me. Well, not on here anyway. Get me passionate about anything and you wont shut me up. We could talk for hours. On the other side of the coin, we could talk about shit and just laugh and love and everything else that comes with great company and conversation.

I am sitting in my newly emptied room, half naked with the fan on high, rattling, but cooling me in this awesome Summer weather. Sipping on Moscato and writing lyrics. Somethings changed in me this year. New motivations. Same goals, just I know how to achieve them now. I have plans & the Universe has set them in motion.
Life has been good. Little things I am appreciating more - like a full night sleep. Going to bed, and being up at 6AM fully rested and ready for the day. I've always been, but feel more grateful for my family and friends. I guess that comes with time. We have priorities. Family and Friends above all.

Putting a few things out there - waiting for them to come back.

Until next time, I think I have said enough - without saying anything at all :-)
-Dash xoxo

Giving Everything Away For Free - Dash X

That's right. I had a moment. An incredible, inspired, mind blowing moment. I advertised that I was indeed giving everything away for free. There were sceptics, but they weren't the right people I wanted my stuff to go to. I found nice homes and owners for everything. Genuine, good hearted people. Clothes - All donated to a charity supporting the Queensland people. On that, they are going to come back stronger than ever, and their State will be stunning - more so.

Everything I own, or what's left of it can be found in 4 boxes and 2 suitcases.

Feels so good. So liberating.

It's only January and so much is happening from my Vision Board. Afew of those include getting fitter, an oh so craved defined [must.not.eat.kfc]stomach, and surfing. And of course working on my EP. Me, being me - decided everything I had wasn't right - so I scrapped it all. Have started re-writing and working with other writers & musicians to get the EP I want.
Sydney has been calling me non stop lately... And I am answering. Once my EP is complete, and the right oppurtunity presents itself [thank you Universe] I will have a one way ticket in my hands within 2 hours!

2011 is abso-fucking-lutly rocking!

Everything is in motion. All I have to do is stay positive and let all the greatness in.

-Dash xoxo

A Dash Confession

I'm not an emotional eater. I do punish myself with food though - by not eating. I don't know why. Sometimes I feel guilty, or like I shouldn't eat when I have been upset. Almost like I don't deserve to eat. Am I sulking? If I am, what is it about. I haven't left my room today as my housemate is wandering around the flat. I am doing my best to avoid seeing her. I'm bigger than this - What the fuck am I doing? Maybe I'll walk out into the lounge room and passed her and outside for a walk. Attempt to eat something from somewhere?
-Dash xoxo